my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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