im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
