In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
