Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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