I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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