Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
