There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
