He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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