remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
