I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
