I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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