Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
