True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sarcasm needs its own font
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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