Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
