I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
