this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
