I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
