Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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