Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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