I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
