i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
