I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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