so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
