Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
