Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
