Sry I called you an 8
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
