"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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