I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
