So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my liver is dry heaving
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
