My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
