That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
