I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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