Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
