Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
