I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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