guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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