are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
