In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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