No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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