i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
