I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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