I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
