My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
