his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
