you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
