I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
