The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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