A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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