I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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