I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
