u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
