When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize