This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
