walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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