K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
