that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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