Come see our sink grown plant.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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