i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
