did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
