the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
