Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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