I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
