you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
