Your dad touched me again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
