I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
