i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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