i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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